The process from nothing to something.
We're all well acquainted of the sheer thrill of an idea when it comes into mind. The human imagination knows no shortage of ideas of grandiose proportions. The idea simply unfolds in the minds eye with such precision, perfection, and it's so vivid it almost seems as if it's real already.
Then it's becomes just a mere matter of settling a few logistics in order to bring it forth in all it's glory, right?
Hardly.
Recently, I was introduced to this engraving "Melencholia I" by German Renaissance artist Albrecht Dürer from 1514. I was at a homeschool conference and there was a prompted discussion about the idea of "Ex Nihilo" (latin for "out of nothing") and the connection with the concept of zero, or nothingness, and its implications within math, creativity, and beyond.
This angelic being, in process with a creative act, is surrounded by tools strewn about. In the foreground the dog looks near death, perhaps much time has passed. It's clear to see that she isn't gracefully riding the thrill of seeing her ideas come to fruition. Her posture communicates a weariness of her labors, yet she looks up at the burst of light on the horizon (and beyond the bat-like creature bearing the "melancholy" of this state) with yet a faint glimmer of hope.
I've been pondering this concept, conversation, and creative piece ever since.
"Out of Exile"
This album in process "Out of Exile" came out of nothing. It began as elusive feelings. Feelings that I began wrapping words and chords around, and worked out hundreds of times over to make into melodies. These melodies, through much time and refinement, which once were mere glimmers of ideas of feelings became songs. Over the course of over 8 years, I returned again and again to these songs. These songs began to be a refuge that helped make sense of the ever shifting emotional landscape in me. Some songs faded with time, yet others continued to bear weight and gravity even as the years passed. I began to see a story weaving 8 of these songs together into a narrative of the journey through emotional exile into a place of rest, joy, gratitude, and belonging.
Before I knew how or where, another thought came into my mind. "I will record this next album with a band." And this came at a time when, despite living in the "live music capital of the world" in Austin TX, and despite having a robust network of friends, I barely knew any musicians. That irony didn't escape me.
Little did I know, that within two years of saying this, that we would move back to our tiny little "rural city" in Northern Michigan, where I would almost instantly be connected to a whole host of female musicians playing the very instruments I've always been inclined towards composing with (drums, bass, violins, cello, harp, piano..) . And not just that, the real clincher was that they were also....moms.
And so, a community began. A mom band formed. Something out of nothing.
It's Process
We got together and recorded one of my songs "Thank You" as a trial run together. Linnea, Dawn and I decided we were definitely all in on doing this "band thing" together. We began working out the other 7 songs for the album, along with learning something like 30 cover songs and did a few gigs. I also began working those who would become part of the ANAGEM company which included a whole learning curve of writing sheet music for violin and piano parts.
As I've put this album into the hands of others, it has been a joy to see the ideas come to a deeper expression than I could ever accomplish on my own. It has also been such a learning process through communication, relationship, and juggling time away from our families and kids.
Like everything, it's taken far longer than I anticipated. Yet, we're nearly there.
To an album that is.
I so relate to this being in Dürer's picture. Made in God's image, we can't help but create out of nothing. It's in our very nature to do so. Yet we bear the weight and toil that comes with our human condition. The disappointment that things don't often pan out as expected. Things that require working and re-working in order to get that melody to land just right, the lyrics to communicate real content, the drum fill or bass slide to keep the song moving just right, or working the layers to get the chorus to pop a certain way. I feel slumped over with weariness of this long arduous process, yet hopeful and confident of the work at hand.
Even my own dog awaits at my feet, like the dog in "Melencholia" eager for me to be finished with this process so we can get back to our daily walks again.
Be encouraged wherever you are at today in your process. Whether that's the exciting idea stage, or the toil of working out an idea to fruition, or the end with the "what's next" question looming overhead. Even though the process is messy and laborious at times, one of the remarkable experiences we get to have in this life, is to take nothingness and form it into a something.
I wouldn't trade that for ease and predictability any day.
-Meg
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